so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i think i just lost a toe
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
