just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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