Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
