I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
