A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
