there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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