I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
