Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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