There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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