Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
