I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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