We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
