So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can I color on your dick again?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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