I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
