the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
