I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish you could order shots online.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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