Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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