You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
