I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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