We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
