don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
