i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Randomize
