But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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