I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
