just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
