My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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