It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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