I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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