do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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