Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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