we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
