so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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