I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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