We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
