3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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