Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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