I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
