Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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