I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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