I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
