he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
