Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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