She said her name was "party"
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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