you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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