Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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