Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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