the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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