she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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