umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
