His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
