Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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