dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
