I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize