Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
