Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
