I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
