Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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