you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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