if only i could text you this smell
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
