Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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