I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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