Your dad touched me again.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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