I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize