Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I love having hate sex.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
