Buhtt sex?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
