I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Panties = found
Randomize
